A little bit about me:
I was attracted to the field of education even before I was a mother. I would collect articles and place them in a folder, to be opened for assistance when the time comes. Of course, when my children were born, the articles were no longer relevant, because there are many ways, approaches and methods to raise our children and there is no one correct way really.
When Ethan was two years old, I began following Coaching Mother (Efrat Leket) and I immediately connected with her positive approach in parenting and the perception with which we view our children. To her, children are short people.
At the time we lived abroad, I began listening to her lessons remotely, and suddenly she launched an online course, and without thinking twice I enrolled and embarked on a journey in my parenting. To be the mother I want my children to grow up to be. This was the biggest gift for myself and for my children.
When we returned to Israel, the children were three and a half years old and eighteen months old. Along with the excitement of returning and being close to family and friend, to the known and familiar place, to our culture and mentality, there were concerns and uncertainty of the move and the change. For me, it felt like a new beginning in a new place, a new residence in a neighborhood you don’t know, which educational framework will we choose for the children, creating social connections.
After we returned, I enrolled in coaching training by Coaching Mother, I began a Montessori course and worked in a Montessori kindergarten. Today, alongside my studies, I lead the public Montessori education in Tel-Aviv along with other parents, in order to assimilate and integrate a method which places the child in the center, looks at him as an equal, encourages his curiosity, his sense of capability and his confidence. From this you can see that education is a part of me and my desire to help and affect in the field of education is great.
When we lived abroad, I was a stay-at-home mom with the children, which is very common there, there is no pressure to return to employment, I knew many mothers in the same situation as me and together we would spend a lot of time in activities with the children. We lived in Houston, which is a huge city, and for me, it was like a big Moshav, peaceful and calm. When we returned to Israel, I knew that Israel is faster, more nervous and impatient, you have to plan things in advance, avoid travel at certain times when there is traffic, and my biggest concern was losing my way as a mother that I want to be for my children.
Being the mother that I want to be
It was important to me to be a mother who respect her children, listens to them, answers them in a respectful and calm tone, a complete mother who is confident in her parenting method and who manages to be empathic even during crises and tantrums.
In this day and age, there are so many distractions and disturbances, a million WhatsApp groups popping up at any given moment during the day, waiting for an immediate response, social media, running images, endless information everywhere. I look at us and I realize that we can be attentive, and at the same time, do a million and one other things simultaneously.
I listen, therefore you exist
Listening is one of the most important subjects which accompanies me in my daily life in parenting. I practice it at any given moment when I am with my children.
When we truly listen, we make our child feel that he is important. What he has to say is really important for use to hear and we give him the feeling that we are on his side. That we are rooting for him.
So, what is listening and how can we succeed in being truly present in the moment, to stop everything and use clean listening?
Clean listening is listening when we are focused only in absorbing.
Clean listening has three main principles:
- Waiting until the other one finished talking – listen to what your child has to say. Even if he cuts us off curing a conversation. Let him finish saying what he wanted to say and then speak. When I give my child the gift of listening, I make him feel that he interests me much more than me. Sometimes we are very focused on talking. My recommendation is to speak less and listen more.
- Lip reading – read the lips of your child. At least at the beginning, it helps the need to strengthen the listening muscle and being focused only on what he has to say.
- Repeat to yourself – when he is speaking, repeat what he says to yourself, quietly. This assists in listening with your full attention.
All this happens when you look the child in the eye, kneeling or sitting next to him, looking him in the eye.
True listening is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, and anyone we interact with.
I invite you to ask your child if they feel that you listen to him.
If your children are slightly older, you could ask them as question such as do you feel that I listen to you? What would help you feel that I am listening? How do you feel when I am listening to you? Do you think that at our home it is important that we listen to one another? How do you think that we can practice listening? At this point, we wait for an answer from him, and only when he finishes talking, we will say what we have to say.
Are you ready to start practicing listening with your children? Share in the comments!
